I lost a friend today.
It was very unfortunate.
At first it was the same as usual
but as we walked to your car
I realized you were a bit too eager to see me.
The usual back pat turned into a stroke
and I found myself frozen
but smiling at you all the same
because you know...
I didn't want to make things weird.
As I chatter to keep my anxiety from showing
you interrupt and ask me about my T-shirt
leering down my rib cage to my belly button.
"Jesus I sing for all that you've done for me,"
you mutter, while I wonder whether you care about that at all.
"Oh, so you go to church?" you ask
and I say, "Yes, I do!"
"That's good!" you say and stroke my back again.
My body tells me to run but I refrain.
I say bye and turn to walk away.
You grab my hand and say,
"How about a hug?"
Before I can reply, you lean in.
Head under mine. I stiffen
but let myself be held.
Chest to breast instead of the usual quick side brush.
"You are nice. You are good.
We help each other," you say smiling.
This time he lets me free
and drives off,
leaving me with the heebie jeebies.
