Burned

Usually, I don't recall my dreams.  The ones I do recall, I am being chased, I'm looking for a clean bathroom to relieve myself, or I'm wandering around a huge mall looking for someone.  Monday, I woke up and vividly remembered my dream.

I was on fire.  Driving.  Gushes of fire intermittently came from the left.  And yet I kept driving through.  My foot on the accelerator.  My face got burned.  My legs.  Finally, I rolled out of the car.  But when I did.  I sensed hesitation from the bystanders to help me.  So, I kept burning limply.  My face was burned the most.  At first I was irritated.  "Why isn't someone doing anything to help me?!"  But after a minute, I felt a sense of relief.  Like, this is how I look now. This is what I am.  And I woke up.

Anyone know anything about dreams?  I looked it up online.  My findings said that dreams about being burned in fire meant the dreamer's temper was getting out of control.  I recall a conversation that happened Sunday evening and I suppose yes, I am mad.  There are so many more things that I wanted to express but I held it in.  As usual.  Two days later, I'm ill.  Still burning.

Whispering Into the Wind

I remember the first blog I started said "A girl whispering into the wind" in the header because I felt like I was talking out loud to no one in particular.  A small voice that would be drowned out in the maelstrom that is the world wide web.  I didn't expect anyone to read my blog.  I actually did not want my friends to read it.  Because it allowed me total freedom.  I didn't have to worry about offending anyone.

And the few blogs that I did follow?  I stalked silently with nary a comment.  Maybe it's because I'm an introvert.  Maybe it's because I'm a pessimist, but while everyone is putting themselves out there wanting to connect with someone, I kept to the sidelines and remained a bystander.

Why didn't I share my two cents?  Demonstrate a little, "Props to you!  I'm really glad you're sharing this."  I know that I'm not an expert in anything.  Why should you listen to me?  But karma is a real B____.

No matter.  Here I am if you want a little something to tickle your ears.  And if you have any blogs that you'd recommend, lemme know in the comments section.

I Don't Play Favorites

This is another analogy of mine about guys and relationships.  Sheesh, how many do I have of these?

It all started in the 4th grade.  When self-consciousness crept in on everyone.  Growing pains hit and I started losing my baby fat.  Suddenly, boys started treating me differently.  Whispers of crushes were everywhere or I'd catch a classmate staring at me for a second too long.  What happened to these guys?! Why couldn't we all just be friends?

And my girlfriends were in on it too.  If they caught me talking to a guy, they would tease me and say, "Oooooh, you have a crush on _______!"  I really hated that.  And since then, I vowed to treat all guys the same.  I sort of carry this philosophy of not playing favorites with everything, but especially my shoes.  As you can see, I have quite a number of them.

Can you pick a favorite among these?

I Get Lonely Too

In the words of Drake, I get lonely too.

Lately, I feel incompetent as a female.  Like a hungry female lion that grew up in a zoo and doesn't know how to hunt.  I feel stupid for not having this skill that seems so innate to others.  I'm frustrated with myself and I know that from the outside, it looks pitiful too.  A starving lion that seemingly has all the tools and resources to be gorging on human flesh.  If only I knew how to hunt.